The Silent Treatment
In some cases silence is a good thing, a positive thing, a powerful positive form of energy such as in meditation.
There are many forms of energy, positive and negative. Today, I am going to focus my intention on the silent treatment as I have seen the destructive results of it.
I wish to expose it here to help create awareness of it with the intention of having that awareness lead to the elimination of it even if this happens to one person solely or one person at a time.
The silent treatment is a form of negative energy that can be extremely harmful to the recipient. That negative energy is compounded as it usually is applied not just by one individual against another but by someone else and quite often by a group. Energy affects us all. Positive energy can pick us up and carry us to great heights. Conversely negative energy can bend and break us.
Most, if not all of us, are familiar with various forms of this, having experienced it directly in childhood or having seen it directed at others. It can occur in some incidences such as not being accepted as someone who is new in a school, not having the right “look” or clothes, not being selected to play in games, birthday parties etc. Or perhaps someone who is different in some way from the others.
In our society, there is tremendous peer pressure to conform. The consequences for the “victim” of this can be quite serious, psychologically. It can be physically as well manifesting in physical violence and abuse.
I know of this as I usually took the road less traveled and chose the non-conformist route. You do suffer the consequences of that as I well know. At times it can make you stronger, at other times it can drag you down, leading to depression and affecting future relationships.
Interesting when doing a search on the silent treatment, the search defers to “social rejection” on Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent%5Ftreatment
(copy and paste into a new browser if not clickable)
Sometimes children are not so aware as to how great this affects someone. Of course this does not excuse the tactic and it is one of the forms of bullying that is now recognized as such. Many schools are cognizant of this and are taking steps to deal with it. Still it cannot be left to the schools alone as we each have a responsibility to deal with it also.
As an adult there can be adverse effects as well. One might hope that adults would be more aware, more considerate, and guard against using such tactics on one another. Unfortunately this is far from the case. It happens in our relationships, at work and at home. In many cases this is likely a carry over from childhood. The injured child within carrying that role into adulthood.
To a large degree this is a form of control and manipulation, where one party is domineering and wishes to exercise control over another. Using the silent treatment against the other person can also be very damaging to an adult. Relationships suffer, crumble and break down. Again it can be compounded by one of more people participating in the treatment or the supporting of it in thought and conversation.
This compounding effect gives the energy more force and power creating a greater effect on the person to whom it is directed. Yes the energy can indeed be greater. People will do things in groups that they would never do alone.
Lack of intimacy, denying sex, affection, conversation, closeness etc. are other examples of this.
Of course this is not to mean that one cannot withdraw into their own space and have time alone as needed. That is a healthy thing.
Using the silent treatment and withdrawal tactics on a constant, consistent and habitual basis is more of what I am referring to.
I have also heard it described as a passive-aggressive tactic.
Why does this happen?
That is a good question and difficult to pin point.
Recently it was reported, that people crave violence just as they do sex. Some form of DNA coded in our genes perhaps. Primal stuff, selection of the fittest. He who has the most toys and assets wins.
Of course today every thing is disposable. You likely have seen the commercial. “Don’t like your car, get rid of it. Don’t like your job, get rid of it. Don’t like your partner or spouse, get rid of them.” Trade up to bigger and better “assets”.
We like to think of ourselves as “civilized”. Think of all the achievements of mankind. If we are measured on the many achievements of mankind, yes we are very civilized.
Certainly there are many achievements, science and technology is very advanced. New discoveries,new and more advanced technology occur around the clock. There seems to be no stopping it.
If we are so civilized then what is happening on this planet?
Mankind is involved in fighting and war. The killing continues, war upon war upon war. So really what has changed in the past 2000 years? Billions and trillions are spent on war and preparation for war. If a fraction of that was directed at peace and helping humanity instead, what could mankind not achieve?
So there needs to be an awareness of the destructive nature of the silent treatment and an awareness firstly that it exists, before anything can be done about it. Without recognition there can be no first step taken. Once awareness happens and the person acknowledges it, then positive steps can be taken to effect the necessary change to eliminate this destructive behavior.
Those are a few things I felt I wanted to say on this subject.
I had some other things in mind to post but I will save them for another day. I will be “silent” on that for a short while.
Cheers,
Gene
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